Where do I even begin?
Life has been strange the last couple of months. I’ve been feeling down for the majority of it, my depression getting the best of me and now that that has begun to subside, my anxiety has of course begun to act up. Sometimes it just feel like I can’t catch a break. It’s one or the other and I just always seem to not be able to fully escape any of it. BUT, at the very least, I have managed to not feel too crappy about the fact and have maintained a postive outlook on it all. Well, positive in regards to previous times where the pessimissim wins.
I’m guessing that the reason for the sudden spike in anxiety stems from two different things I want to do in the next few months before the year comes to an end. The first being finally learning how to drive and the second being setting up an appointment with my community college so that I can pick up where I left off 3 years ago thanks to my mental health and finish up in order to transfer. Both things that absolutely terrify me.
I’ve made my appointment for the permit test and it’s coming up on October 22nd and the idea of it has been filling me with anxiety. Writing this right now is making my chest tight honestly. I have dreams that transcend my hometown though and those dreams require me to be able to drive and so, though a bundle of nerves, I feel like I’m finally ready to take a step forwards and learn how to drive.
School wise, I still haven’t made an appointment. The mere idea of even making the appointment terrifies the crap out of me and I’ve no one to vent to about it but my therapist so I’m waiting until our next session to let go of the anxiety I feel towards the subject. Once I vent and feel a little better I’ll go and set up an appointment. I’m just incredibly scared about the whole thing, but I know that I want to continue my education and I don’t want to keep letting my fear of having a panic attack in the classroom to keep me from finishing what I started. It’s time.
It’s not all been negative concerning my mental health the last few months though. After taking two months off during all of June and July in order to recupperate from a series of panic attacks that were happening consistently during April and May, I got a new job. This job has been like taking a breath of fresh air compared to the hell hole that was my previous job and it was a change that my mental health desperately needed. My panic attacks have been few and my anxiety doesn’t tend to act up regarding work. I enjoy being there for the most part and something find myself wishing I worked on my days off.
I’ve also been rereading Harry Potter during this time and it’s been healing for me. I’m currently on book 5 and am hoping to fly through the rest of the series by Halloween 😀
That’s my life in a nutshell, or I guess blog post, as of right now. It’s starting to suck less and am looking forward to what’s to come this holiday season 🙂