In less than two days I am making a dream come true and yet my anxiety has overtaken me.
I know that once I arrive at our destination I’ll be fine and it’ll be great, but right now anxiety has taken excitements place. I booked this vacation back in February and was ecstatic about it. Wouldn’t shut up about every little detail of the vacation and would spend hours looking up information. This continued up until I had a really bad panic attack in March and then everything turned into worry.
At first it was worry that I would be panicking every day during the vacation. I’ve since squashed that anxiety. Then the fears started to turn into those of how something could go wrong before the trip and it would have to be cancelled and even now I’m still stuck there. I keep myself from feeling too excited and from preparing anything because I’m scared I’m going to jinx it somehow and ruin everything. At this point, I’m just paranoid. I mean, I decided not to mention where the vacation is taking place in case that jinx’s it.
I haven’t been sleeping very well the last three days because I start getting anxious about the trip. I’ve been wanting to pack and get everything ready, try on some outfits and plan my meals, but every time I start wanting to my anxiety shows up and suddenly I shut it down. Today I finally managed to take out my suitcase and instead of packing I told myself, “no, I’ll do it tomorrow so I don’t jinx it.”
I want to feel excited. I want to join my family in conversations about the trip where the back of my mind isn’t flashing a red light and telling me to keep the excitement down or else things could go very wrong. I just want to feel the way I should be feeling about this dream of mine and how finally after years it’s coming true.
Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on this vacation. Maybe I’m just scared to lose this one good thing that’s finally happening. Maybe it’s just my regular trip anxiety and it’s causing me to feel down. I don’t know, but I felt like writing my thoughts down to feel a little ease.
Does anyone else get anxious over trips even though they know it’ll be alright?